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There is no coping with change. There's figuring out what changes, how, why, and then going through the emotional work to catch up to it. And you'll get there. Reach out for help when needed. If anything is proven from your story with Caleb, he loves you and doesn't begrudge you anything. He trusted and still trusts you to be his wife and the mother of your children. We're all here for you. You deserve to celebrate in any way you can. If I may, can I suggest you ask someone else to plan the shower? Don't let the chance to celebrate, especially when you don't feel like it, slip away from you. Even if it's just low key and basic. Even if it's just a dinner get together or a dessert get together or a bonfire. It doesn't have to be traditional. If you can't figure out who to ask, get your husband to figure it out for you.

I have one suggestion for you. My mom would always tell ladies this. I absolutely agree with cloth diapering, but you might want to get one package of disposable newborn diapers, simply for that first couple of bowel movements, which are called meconium. It's sticky, almost like tar, and you don't want to lose one of your nice cloth diapers to that stuff. You may also want a couple for if baby gets sick with diarrhea, because that will go straight through the cloth diaper. These are temporary measures; you won't have to buy tons of them like someone who's using them as their primary diapering method. But it'll save you in the laundry department and give you one less stressor. All of that said, congratulations on your little one. And like other people have already said, don't let the expectation of the glowing Instagram pregnancy make you think you're doing something wrong. EVERY pregnancy is different, even with the same parents, just as every child is different, so don't expect your pregnancy to be the same as someone else's. You're going to be great, and I know that because you care about it so much. All right, that's my two bits. You rest up, and may God richly bless your family.

Hormones can really mess with your head, and it's a new situation that will change your life very profoundly. You have every right to be terrified. Don't compare yourself with others, how you feel now doesn't say anything about who you are as a person or if you'll be a good mother, however you define that. And if you later decide that one child is enough or that you want to give your kids into day care after all to have more time for other things or yourself, you can do that! You don't have to plan out every detail about your future right now and then stick to it. You can change your plans according to what is best for you and your family. Don't be so hard on yourself because you're not getting everything done as fast or as completely as you would have before - you're busy producing a human being, after all!

My prayers to you as your body changes for pregnancy you never know what’s gonna happen and depression is a real thing. I hope it helped you talking to everybody in this video. You might consider getting in touch with the other people in the comments that have gone through the same thing, you need to talk you need to know that it’s a real thing it’s not just you. I adopted and I didn’t have to go through the body stress, thankfully, but emotional stress was definitely there and you’re right you don’t get a whole lot done after that baby is born at least for a while. But it’s not impossible. Hang in there. I do recommend talking to somebody friends people on you in your comments. It’ll help a lot. It’s not your fault. It’s normal. Sorry about the chickens I live in the city in California and we’ve had an invasion of foxes and coyotes, lots of pets going missing so I feel for you. I hope you figure out how to handle it pretty soon so you don’t lose all your chickens. Prayers and blessings.

There are so many moms who feel this way, and then as soon as baby is born its just gone. I agree with other commenters, put your self on maternity leave. New stage of life means things are going to change on your channle too. And thats OK! All the encouragement ❤

I've been following you for a couple of years now and loved each and every one of your projects. And even now, you are doing SO WELL! Really, you're so strong! I'm happy for whatever you will come up with in the future and hope you do not feel the need to perform for us. I also hope you will have the support you need, whichever shape that would look like because it does seem like you have a lot on your shoulders right now. Please just take good care of yourself.

As a mum of 4, please take it a day at a time, this is just a season, it will get better with time. The end result is so worth it so try not to stress. Everyone's experience is different.

Having big feelings about big changes is ok. It's normal. You're doing great and we love and support you ❤️

RIP Hancocks. 😢

I'm sure I am not alone in my appreciation for your sharing your story. I wouldn't be able to. I struggle to even comment. 🤭 Anyway...there are 'seasons' in life. This is one that you are not alone in, either situational or emotional. Not trying to minimize but encourage you to 'trust the process'. When you are further along in the journey and look back, you will find comfort in what you actually were able to endure that you may not have believed you could. 🤗 Sleep and saltine crackers are your friends. Wish you well.

Sorry to here Mariah that your having so many bad days, but you will be a amazing mother. Places take time for yourself and the baby, We will all be there for you when you are ready to come back. You and your family should come first.

I was like this with my first honey. keep talking to your husband and ask for lots of help from all your friends too. It's OK to ask. and most people would jump at the chance. And remember you feel poorly because you are growing a whole human. how does your husband feel, he may well be worried for you and feeling bad himself

Dear Mariah Thank you for sharing so openly. I love your videos and have learned a LOT from your channel, but do not put pressure on yourself. Whenever you have more time, feel like it or have a random project: I look forward to seeing your video then, whenever it may be. Some ideas for videos: Thrift flips! Did you buy a thrifted dress but made a small change so you like it better? Things like that could be interesting and be a low level getting back to sewing/crafting a little bit. I wish you, your family and your little one all the best and a lot of energy for the time coming. Take care! ❤

This feels so relevant to my experience. I have an 18mo and I'm due in November. For two years now I've avoided sewing almost anything for myself because of my changing size, I felt undeserving of having nice things for the time limited size I am. But I made a beautiful shirred bodice tiered dress that I hope I can still wear postpartum. I transitioned into homemaking after baby 1 and I find it really hard to stay on top of everything (let alone do sewing and hobbies) and I'm just giving myself grace that it's a season, it's hard with a small baby who needs everything from me. I was also very uncomfortable and similarly "pretty sick but it could be worse" with my first, and this time around I've been less sick! So hold faith that your pregnancies will be different, and the future ones might not be as hard. And you ARE coping girl!! You are doing a great job and things will be easier. Big hugs to you

Each pregnancy and each baby/child is different. It's ok to re-vision what you think you want. And your priorities might change with each additional child, and your child's priorities might be different than what you wanted. (ie they could have a learning disability/difference, or maybe homeschooling isn't for you/them. If covid quarantine 'school' taught me anything, is that my kids do not see me as a great teacher, haha!) As for sewing, I liked the upcycled harem style pants I made for my babies, quick and easy to do and with extra long cuffs and adjustable elastic, can be used for many 'sizes'. there are plenty of tutorials out there. Some old tshirts, elastic, and ribbing if you want. Cloth diapers are worth it. But if they get to 10-12 months old sleeping through the night (yay!) but peeing through clothes and sheets every night (boo, more laundry) save your sanity and its ok to do a disposable diaper if you want. Good luck :)

We ❤️ YOU hun. Pregnancy is hard being a mom is the hardest job you will ever love. You'll get there. I'll say a prayer for you and your family. Your story and videos are inspiring because of who you are not the number of projects you complete. 🤗

My Dear Friend, First of all CONGRATULATIONS!! Having a baby is amazing. Having your first is a journey. You will learn more than you ever thought you could learn. As a mother of four boys all of motherhood is going to be full of surprises, ups and downs, twists and turns. Give yourself some grace. We are all here to support you. I know just from looking at the other comments I’m not the only mother of multiple children. You have a community. Don’t be afraid to lean on us. I cannot speak for the other but I will always be here if you have any questions or need any support. Also keep a mood journal even if it’s as simple as tracking today I felt down or today I fell overwhelmed. It will help you seek help if your baby blues become a little more. Making RUclips work with kids is hard. I’ve been pecking away at it for a bit. Don’t give up! You’ve got this!! You will be able to do all the things! It just feels overwhelming at the moment. Do you have a PO Box for other makers to send you things as well? Take care my friend. Know you are loved!!

You are doing fantastic! I have been in that rut like you and have felt like that too. You are strong and beautiful! I found that taking time in the morning to sit, breathe, and just let your feelings come really helped. You are a stellar mom already. Putting your spouse and children before yourself makes you an amazing wife and mother.

You are very brave to share your heart and life with the internet. Life changes are hard. Even when they are good. Pregnancy and also just living your life in your body can lead to changes in the chemistry of your body, which can leave you feeling low or experiencing depression. (Those things are for you and your Dr. to figure out.) But I just want to be a kind internet stranger letting you know that you’re doing a good job from what I can see. I’ve had to learn a lot of lessons in my 20s and 30s about letting go of old dreams and building new ones and also allowing others to take care of me without feeling like I have failed in some way. But those lessons are hard and sometimes hurt. I just want to say that even when life hurts or darks days seem to come out of nowhere and last way too long, there is goodness on the other side. So please do the work of taking care of yourself so that you can take care of the ones you love most, even if it looks different than you thought it would when you first started dreaming dreams about what you hoped life would look like. PS Your content is lovely (I still reference your circle skirt videos to remember how to do all that ridiculous skirt math) and I will probably stay around to watch whatever you make, but please remember this is just a job. You’ve had other ones before and you may have other ones to come. So just do the best you can do today. This isn’t an extension of your self worth or ability to be creative, even though you may pour some of those things into your content. And you don’t owe me anything in return for my subscription to your channel. You do what you need to do for your life and your family.

There's no "should"s about it. Your feelings and your point of view are all valid and something that a lot of women go through. Motherhood is hard. Each person is different, each pregnancy is different, but no one has an easy time with everything. Please cut yourself more slack. As someone who became a mom 2 years ago and is also 30, pregnany can compeltely throws you off in every way. From 6 weeks until week 32 with my son, I was sick and tired and anxious and down. I'm a musician and i didn't even want to listen to music much less play while i was pregnant. Lean into the nesting instinct, at least for me that made me feel so much better. Maternity changes your body and your priorities, your identity in a lot of ways, but it also changes your brain. Things don't go back to the way they were before, but you do find a new normal. Be kind to yourself. A calm relaxed mom who is taking care of herself is all your little one needs. I hope Caleb is also taking care of you, because you're the ship right now. This season is about YOU. Someone else should be planning your shower. There are a lot of decisions to be made in the coming year, I pray that you will make the best ones for you based on your well being as well as your little boy's. Don't bite off more than you can chew, be honest with your Dr.s and your partner. ❤ Congrasts, Good Luck, and Welcome to the Club Mama. Ps. Please do chill vibes knitting vlogs. Even if you just do some videos of you nesting and knitting with just music playing i would definitely watch those.

Many people have said what I would say but also wanted to add that in my pregnancies my “creative energy” was like… fully rerouted into the creation of those babies. I had no motivation or interest in more creative hobbies either. Really hard. It helped me to focus on this as a season of life that will ebb eventually.

I love my dress form and I recommend getting one. However, there were problems. It took some time to adjust the dress form to my own shape, especially when I had to accept that my shoulders had become rounded with age. Padding the back has made all the difference for improving the fit of the back and sleeves. Another problem is that you'll want to order a size smaller than your smallest measurement (bust, waist, or hip) because you can make the dress form bigger, but not smaller. Unfortunately, the bust shape on dress forms is not realistic... I ordered the smallest size sold, but the bust is still too big for me, so I have to compensate, and also the underbust is too large to reliably fit a corset or stay. That said, the draping on a dress form is a lot of fun. If you are designing only, then definitely you have to have one. But if you have figure problems, try your best to get a custom dress form specific to your measurements, although these are quite expensive (and your body will change with age, if nothing else). Absolutely do NOT get a dress form with dials--these are a total waste of money.

I’m sending you love and hugs❤️

I wish you the very best. Take care of yourself dear

My gosh I don't think I have ever heard someone put my experience with sewing and becoming a mom into words so well. This is exactly how I felt and still feel, and my oldest is 7, and my youngest is 2. Getting back the motivation to make myself clothes that may not fit me in the long run has so far not happened. What I ended up doing to scratch my maker itch was designing and making art quilts. They don't tend to be traditional, so it isn't something I can just do from a pattern. It made me get my whole brain involved and has really done wonders for my mental health. In this massive change please prioritize you and your little bub. It's a big change and pregnancy is the worst but you can get through it. Doll clothes is a great idea but no pressure from us. Do what you are up to, we just want you to be well.

I think we all figured your must be pregnant. I"m thrilled that the baby is healthy. It will be okay. And each pregnancy might be different. And It will be okay. Learning about our limits and facing challenges unexpectedly are hard for all of us.

Ohhh my god, pls use the metric system 😂😂

You seem to be holding yourself to an extremely high standard and wanting to be everything to all people. I applaud that idealism but the phrase 'it takes a village to raise a child' is absolutely true we are not designed to be a nuclear family which is why when just 2 people try to do work that earns money and also the work that maintains a home and raises children something ends up not living up to the ideal we want. In my life churches are the place I have encountered that 'village' community. I hope your church community is one that is used to offering help, don't feel bad for asking remember that you are receiving help and they are receiving a chance to follow Jesus' example. Some day you will be in a position to repay the favour even if it's not to the same person.

Hi, Mariah, I personally do not expect a thing from being a patreon member. It is my way of saying thank you to the content creator for all their hard work, their content, and just because I like them and want to help support what they do. I am sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Pregnancy is quite the ride, and there is no way to know how it will be. There are so many variations. Your body is working harder than you know to make another human being, and it can be physically exhausting. You are doing fabulous! We love you so much and are wishing the best for you! Shockingly, RUclips was smart enough to put this video in my feed, and I was so excited! It's great to hear you're expecting. Please be kind to yourself and know that we are all here for you, even if you don't produce a lot of content. Family first! ❤

Pregnancy is super hard. Get plenty of nutrition and rest. Lean into what your body wants. Also tons of prenatal appointments that you can’t afford are probably doing more harm than good because of the stress. Maybe you can work out a more affordable schedule with your doctor. Healthy women don’t need doctors to give birth unless they make you feel safe. Check out free birth. You don’t need to be stressed about medical bills if you don’t think it’s necessary. You are so strong, praying for you and your family.

Those joggers look so itchy, maybe fabric would be softer ❤

You lit up when you started to talk about knitting baby clothes. We watch you because we like you. So yes please show us what you're doing to get ready for the baby. Many of us know what you're going through with the ambiguous feelings and the horrible fatigue, so hang on there. We're not going anywhere.

I had similar experiences with my pregnancies. Always thought I’d be one of those women that barely slowed down. Instead I got the extreme fatigue, giant babies, and constantly stumped the doctors. It’s rough, but every pregnancy is different. You’ve got it, but it sounds like you’re doing the right thing and pacing yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself.

So glad to see your face again. Just take it one day at a time. You'll find your groove again. Pregnancy is hard on the body and mind but you are a strong woman

Every pregnancy is different! Your subsequent pregnancies may be much easier, even probably will be. You can do this. I’m so sorry you’re having so much stress and worry, but I promise it’s temporary. Hold onto that and just hang in there. And once he’s here, things will be very different, yes - and probably so much more amazing and wonderful than you can even imagine now. Possibly harder than you can imagine, in some small ways, but overall far more rewarding than you ever dreamed. There’s absolutely nothing more wondrous and overwhelmingly awesome than the love a mother has for her child. This too shall pass. Hold onto your terrific husband, cherish these last few months of being a couple as you grow into a family. Trust in each other and trust in yourself. I firmly believe you’ll be wonderful parents. I had my first baby at 19, in a very dysfunctional & abusive marriage, and was divorced before I turned 21. I was talked into a sterilization at age 26, not knowing I wouldn’t meet the love of my life until I was 30 (and he didn’t know he might want his own biological kids until years after we fell in love). Now I’m 55 and I wish things had gone differently (due to my firstborn’s health issues, and my second child being taken by cancer at only 22, I’ll never be a grandmother), but there’s nothing I can do now but try to learn to accept it. Luckily my husband & I are celebrating 25 years together and we’re still crazy in love. It sounds to me that you have a truly great plan, to be home with your kids and to homeschool and to shelter them from growing up too fast. Please don’t fret too much over making mistakes, because everyone does. Your kids won’t care that you aren’t a perfect mom; they’ll only care that they are loved. An old saying is “the days are long but the years are short” and I’ve found it to be very true. Try to cherish the here-and-now, even when it seems to be absolute chaos - because, almost certainly, someday you’ll miss it.

Love that ballgown

The Christmas dress and the one with the tiny roses on it are my favorites

Thank you for this breakdown. I am obsessed with Emma’s costumes.

I remember in one of your videos you talked about a "good, better, best" plan for a project (in my field we talk about "mvp", minimum viable product)... I think a "good" version here would be everyone is fed and everyone has enough shelter and clothing of _any_ kind that they aren't too hot or too cold or fined for public indecency.

I know it is cold consolation, and may not be worth very much but it's important to remember that "bad" parents generally aren't worried about being being bad. We will never be able to give out children everything they deserve because they all deserve the entire world. But being there for them, with genuine care and interest, is the most valuable thing. It is hard to do but try to let go of your expectations. No one can be a marker for how things will go and it will change every time. All you can do is love during the worst of it.

Our family neighbors protect their chickens with something we call "the henitentiary"... (Aka Fort Clucks.)

Sending hugs. Thanks for the update. I’ll be here whenever you feel like you’re ready to come back.

If you do ever want to go in and fix this dress you could add princess seam tucks in line with the corners of the neckline. That way you're not cutting it up. Although there may be enough fabric for seam allowance .

Oh boy, I relate so hard to this! My second pregnancy was unexpected and it threw me off so much. Right when I thought I was getting “back” into some sort of normal. I’m still in the dumps but seeing the light a little, I think making things has been my saving

I am glad to see you and for your news, but take care of yourself. Sometimes pregnancy is hard, emotionally, physically and mentally. You are allowed to feel all of those things. You are strong and will get thru this. Lean on your partner and your family and friends. You are not alone and you don’t have to do it all by yourself.

I was only pregnant a short time but the fatigue is what I remember the most. I slept 12hr and then got up to go to work and passed out again sitting down to put my shoes on. I woke up many hours later. I felt basically comatose. 😂 You’re not alone!

I would love to see baby projects!

I know it doesn’t help practically but you’re a trooper and we are all proud of you!

We’ll be here for you! Do the things that are going to keep you happy and healthy, don’t worry a bit us ❤

I am so in awe of you, Mariah, for being so open and vulnerable with us. I *know* those feelings you are talking about and I struggle the same way many many days. I have never wanted to physically find and hug and cry with a person I have never met, until today. NO ONE on this channel (and I have been scrolling through the currently 799 comments so far) thinks any less of you, feels let down or angry, or wants you to "get with it." My own thoughts are far too often far more vicious toward myself than any thoughts of the people who know me are. While we do not know you fully bc our interactions are limited by this medium, I assure you we know you enough to love you and desire your good above our mere entertainment or knowledge. Give yourself gracious thoughts instead of hostile ones. I like that you are letting us be able to show you love via your baby list or patreon. I'm excited to see how I can support and encourage you! I don't need it to be "an even exchange." Honestly, it makes it feel less contractual and more loving. Praying for you.